High Heels, Quilting and Estrogen

It's incredible, having Katie home again.  I love the extra estrogen in the house.  We're stitching, knitting (me), crocheting (her) and quilting again.  I love it.  How did I get to be so blessed to have three such beautiful, accomplished, deep, cool  human beings for children?  I feel like they have left me in the dust with their wisdom and life experiences.   I'm finally learning how to be more organized by watching Katie getting ready to sub teach again.  So THAT'S how it's done!   
  I have come face to face with being middle aged however.  What a shock.  There just doesn't seem to be enough time to do the things left on my wish list.  I'm grateful to have had the opportunity to do some traveling the last year, and am excited to be involved with my Grandson's birth and caregiving.  But, what ever happened to the custom designed clothing I was going to sew and wear, the landscape quilts I was going to create, the beautiful bevy of Angels I was going to stitch, the porceline dolls I was going to make and hand down?  How 'bout the knit shop, the children's books I was gonna write,  the voice over work I was gonna get?  I look in the mirror and see the legs that are still good (especially in heels), but good "for my age".  I'm complimented on my hair-- really cool silver and black-- but sometimes more for the courage to NOT color it  than the color itself.  Phrases like, "that's what I'm talkin' about!", "totally bitchen" and "duuuuude", sound obsurd coming out of my mouth, but perfectly normal in  my head.  It's weird not being able to wear certain styles of clothing simply because, again, I look obsurd in them.  I wouldn't trade who I've become, for who I was, just to be younger.  Yeah.  That's better.
I guess if I'm doing God's will for me, my days are exactly as they should be, not as I think they should be.  So today I will love my family more than I thought possible, ask for peace in my life, and do the footwork to heal my world.  And maybe, just maybe, I'll have time to play, time to make that quilt, knit that Aran sweater, and finish that Christmas Angel.  God willing.

Grace Disguised

It intrigues, facinates and humbles me that pathways to grace often come disguised within grief.  Or bad luck. Or unfortunate circumstances.  I have become more adept at walking through the tough times, the moments in my life when things seemed to be the worst it could possibly be.  You know those times, when it seems impossible for life to ever be happy, peaceful or wonderful again.  And yet, I have experienced over and over again, the awe inspiring gift of "after".  How I have grown as a person, whom I've met, whom I've touched, how much closer to God I've become, or more miraculous, maybe a new path I've uncovered that encompasses my new gifts and strengths.  The same gifts and strengths that had no direction before the life changing event.
  So it begins, my new path, hopefully one that God himself has put me on.  I'm experienced enough in ways Spiritual to know that I still don't know what it is that I'm to be taught, and that it's my job to do the footwork only.  The results are up to my God.  I don't presume to know what He wants from me.  I'm willing to take one step at a time to find out.
  My new path?  Well, I've purchased three books on being a Doula.  That's Greek for "woman's servant" or "woman's birthing assistant".  Having the privledge of being Katie's primary birth coach prompted this research.  Before she was expecting, I had never heard of a Doula.  Now I'm considering studying and getting my certification.  I'd like to experience being there for Katie before I make any committments.  Cool.
  Of course, I have my beautiful, courageous daughter to thank for this new opportunity.  I am honored and humbled to be trusted and included in this exciting event in her life.  That I may be given the gifts and tools needed to participate in making this a powerful and beautiful memory for her, is my prayer.  God be with us.