Grown-Up Friendships

I've had the chance to take a look at myself in the role as friend recently, and see that it's still an area where I am sorely lacking.  It was tough having friends when I was a kid, because with such a large family, there was little time to devote to maturing a relationship much past a few months.  My friends then became tired of my "nos" to invites, and usually moved on to others who were more available to play.  There was just too much to do to maintain our family dynamic, and I played a large part by being the oldest.
As an adult, I find that I am better at communicating, but I am saddened at how often I interrupt, or say what's on my mind when silence would be the more gracious, generous gift.  I still do exactly what I hate other's doing to me, not hearing me, or using active listening.  Uggghhhh. My prayer today, is that God guide my words and my silence to be a better friend, a real friend.
Selfishness, self-centeredness.  I sometimes forget that it's not all about me, what I want, what I feel, what I think.  It's time for an ego reduction, methinks.  I have been blessed with so many real, deep, adult friendships (including the friendships with my children), and I am hoping I will grow to adulthood within them.  But I have no control over how long my relationships will last, that too, is in God's hands.  I love the saying "People are in our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime."
I wish to remember that each moment is a blessed one, and that I remain humble enough to recognize the gifts I have been given with each person God has sent my way.  You are all in my prayers today, with many thanks for taking me as I am, the assets and the defects, and hanging in there anyway.

High Heels, Knitting and Estrogen

I have come face to face with being middle aged. What a shock. There just doesn't seem to be enough time to do the things left on my wish list. I'm grateful to have the opportunity to do some traveling this year, and am excited to be free to do basically whatever I want. But, what ever happened to the Gansey sweaters and custom designed clothing I was going to knit and sew (and wear), the landscape quilts I was going to create, the beautiful bevy of Angels I was going to stitch, the porcelain dolls I was going to make and hand down? How 'bout the knit shop I wanted to own, the children's books I was gonna write, the voice over work I was gonna get? I look in the mirror and see the legs that are still good (especially in heels), but good "for my age". I used to be complimented on my hair-- really cool silver and black-- but sometimes more for the courage to NOT color it than the color itself. Then I caved and colored it-I feel less authentic, but honestly, I like not being mistaken for my husband's mother. Phrases like, "that's what I'm talkin' about!", "totally bitchen" and "duuuuude", sound absurd coming out of my mouth, but perfectly normal in my head. It's weird not being able to wear certain styles of clothing simply because, again, I look absurd in them. However, I wouldn't trade who I've become, for who I was, just to be younger. Yeah. That's better.
I guess if I'm doing God's will for me, my days are exactly as they should be, not as I think they should be. So today I will love my family more than I thought possible, ask for peace in my life, and do the footwork to heal my world. And maybe, just maybe, I'll have time to play, time to make that quilt, knit that Aran sweater, and finish that Christmas Angel. God willing.

Stitches East '08

My nails are bitten to the quick waiting for my Stitches East pamphlet to arrive. Just the thought of taking another class with Melissa Leapman, or one with Lily Chin sends shivvers up my spine. I have fallen in love with Maryland, and look forward to seeing the friends I made while there for the Sheep and Wool festival. Good times, good times.

I also love the freedom of spending time with myself. Quiet, unscheduled time, to knit especially, but to answer only to me. I prefer to have a room to myself, and thanks to a very generous DH, will have that gift. I need regrouping time. I mean, spending money on lucious yarn is an exhausting business!

I also love, love, love knitters. They are so diverse, so creative, and though my brain sizzles after talking shop with one or more, I crave the interaction. Wow, I still can't believe I'm going...

Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival

Springtime in Maryland. I couldn't have asked for a better season to visit this state for the first time. I had been invited to the Sheep and Wool Festival by a myspace knitting friend, Sarah. What a gift! It was a new experience for me, traveling totally alone. Besides the speeding ticket I got 10 minutes outa Baltimore airport (first in 31 years!), I navigated well and arrived at the Sheraton Hotel in Columbia none the worse for wear.
The Festival was overwhelming and wonderful. Spending the day with Sarah, all that wool, live animals and spinning wheels galore had me dancing on a cloud. Bought a few things (cashmere yarn for baby, wonderful microfiber ribbon, and fingering yarn for Victorian beaded scarfs as Christmas gifts). Loved every minute of the day.
Tired, but happy, Sarah and I headed back to the Sheraton to regroup before she drove home. Just as we were about to walk in, two ladies stopped us with a bright "can we see your stash?". I was tickled! Two more knitters right here in my hotel. Well, well, well. I was in for a shock. They asked me if I was going to attend the ravelry.com party that night in the hotel. "Ravelry.com?" I asked. Their faces showed it all. Talking over each other, they excitedly relayed to me the wonder of the beta site. Then they invited me to the party-and here I thought I was going to be by myself knitting and watching T.V. all evening!I got to the party early as everyone was rushing around trying to get things set up. Remember, I thought I was gonna be alone in my room knitting my lace scarf all night, and lo and behold I found myself in the midst of a couple hundred excited knitters! I had died and gone to stitching heaven! I made many, many new friends, got to see new yarns not even on the market yet, and listened to the many stories of how ravelry.com was such a gift to the women gathered there.
I left Maryland on Monday, May 5, and early Tuesday morning I was at my computer typing my way onto the waiting list for Ravelry. I got my invitation to join the site last night, May 14. It is amazing. Simply amazing. I have found two friends right away, and regret that I didn't write down more names. I'm looking forward to spending much time organizing my stash, books, mags, needles and entering my info on my page. I can't wait to enter a type of yarn, or pattern, and see what comes up with other knitters who have used what I have. There are pictures aplenty, yarn swaps and sales, and more patterns than I have ever seen on a single site.Well, it's time to get back to my data entry. I'm excited to go back to Maryland next November for Stitches East. My hubby only has one condition-he gets to stay home! Works for both of us-I get to stay up late talking fiber, and he has full control of the remote!
Blessings,Dori

Knitten in Oakland

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Had a bitchin four days in Oakland. Yep, that's right, Oakland, for the TKGA Knit and Crochet Show. I slept in a room all to myself, got up when I wanted, went to bed when I wanted and, here's the kicker, knitted, knitted, knitted when I wanted! 4:30 am, didn't matter, nobody to bother, to answer to, just me. Now here's the catch...all that self nuturing, fun and magic is a hard thing to turn off. I'm home, and now it's time for dusting, dishes, diapers and dinners! Don't get me wrong, homemaking is what I do, willingly, but I've never had the experience of having to switch mentalities before. Totally new lesson.I'm craving my needles. The hunger almost hurts. On top of that, I had the opportunity to meet so many special women (hi Dawn, Karen, Frances and Jacque!), one of which is a favorite author and sister knitter, Vickie Howell. Totally cool person. I went to the show alone, and came home with new valued friends, not just knitting skills...sigh.....Well, the laundry is done, and if I play my cards right, I'll get to practice my Celtic Cables until the wee hours!!!!!
posted by Dori Lawrence 3:32 PM 0 comments

Bye Bye My Heart

So her passport has been found, her visa is in place, a job and new apartment are being sought out, clothes are being sorted, new luggage and locks have been bought and she's leaving on Sunday...the to-do list has been long and logical, not emotional.
  My heart caught up with me today, and I can't seem to stop crying.  Jen is leaving, off to a new adventure in her life, and I'm happy for her, even though my heart is breaking.  I thought the promise of a clean bed and bath room would sustain me for a while.  I thought the excitement of redecorating and a planned visit down undah would give me something to look forward to, but, man, it's just not enough.  She's taking a huge piece of my heart with her.  I'll miss that laugh, her sharp wit, her beautiful, beautiful face.  She has never quite needed me, not really, and I guess that helps me to know that she'll do more than survive, she'll live a life as only Jen can...Australia is getting one helluva California force for the next year.  I sure hope they're ready....
  I'll miss you my baby girl, and I will continue to celebrate your courage and tenacity.  Thanks for letting me stand in your shoes for a moment longer.  I love you....