It's incredible, having Katie home again. I love the extra estrogen in the house. We're stitching, knitting (me), crocheting (her) and quilting again. I love it. How did I get to be so blessed to have three such beautiful, accomplished, deep, cool human beings for children? I feel like they have left me in the dust with their wisdom and life experiences. I'm finally learning how to be more organized by watching Katie getting ready to sub teach again. So THAT'S how it's done! 
I have come face to face with being middle aged however. What a shock. There just doesn't seem to be enough time to do the things left on my wish list. I'm grateful to have had the opportunity to do some traveling the last year, and am excited to be involved with my Grandson's birth and caregiving. But, what ever happened to the custom designed clothing I was going to sew and wear, the landscape quilts I was going to create, the beautiful bevy of Angels I was going to stitch, the porceline dolls I was going to make and hand down? How 'bout the knit shop, the children's books I was gonna write, the voice over work I was gonna get? I look in the mirror and see the legs that are still good (especially in heels), but good "for my age". I'm complimented on my hair-- really cool silver and black-- but sometimes more for the courage to NOT color it than the color itself. Phrases like, "that's what I'm talkin' about!", "totally bitchen" and "duuuuude", sound obsurd coming out of my mouth, but perfectly normal in my head. It's weird not being able to wear certain styles of clothing simply because, again, I look obsurd in them. I wouldn't trade who I've become, for who I was, just to be younger. Yeah. That's better.
I guess if I'm doing God's will for me, my days are exactly as they should be, not as I think they should be. So today I will love my family more than I thought possible, ask for peace in my life, and do the footwork to heal my world. And maybe, just maybe, I'll have time to play, time to make that quilt, knit that Aran sweater, and finish that Christmas Angel. God willing.
I have come face to face with being middle aged however. What a shock. There just doesn't seem to be enough time to do the things left on my wish list. I'm grateful to have had the opportunity to do some traveling the last year, and am excited to be involved with my Grandson's birth and caregiving. But, what ever happened to the custom designed clothing I was going to sew and wear, the landscape quilts I was going to create, the beautiful bevy of Angels I was going to stitch, the porceline dolls I was going to make and hand down? How 'bout the knit shop, the children's books I was gonna write, the voice over work I was gonna get? I look in the mirror and see the legs that are still good (especially in heels), but good "for my age". I'm complimented on my hair-- really cool silver and black-- but sometimes more for the courage to NOT color it than the color itself. Phrases like, "that's what I'm talkin' about!", "totally bitchen" and "duuuuude", sound obsurd coming out of my mouth, but perfectly normal in my head. It's weird not being able to wear certain styles of clothing simply because, again, I look obsurd in them. I wouldn't trade who I've become, for who I was, just to be younger. Yeah. That's better.
I guess if I'm doing God's will for me, my days are exactly as they should be, not as I think they should be. So today I will love my family more than I thought possible, ask for peace in my life, and do the footwork to heal my world. And maybe, just maybe, I'll have time to play, time to make that quilt, knit that Aran sweater, and finish that Christmas Angel. God willing.
No comments:
Post a Comment